Stress and sleep: how to break the cycle

In this article, Kathryn Pinkham shares her insights on how stress and sleep are linked, and what we can do to improve our sleep and reduce stress.

There's no way around it: stress and sleep are connected. If we sleep well but feel stressed all day, we’re going to feel tired, low, and overwhelmed. The truth is, you cannot out-sleep stress.

When we are stressed, our body goes into a state of high alert, making it difficult to relax and fall asleep. This, in turn, creates more stress, leaving us stuck in a frustrating cycle where exhaustion and anxiety fuel each other.

Understanding this cycle—and knowing how to break it—is essential for better sleep and overall wellbeing.

The stress response and sleep

When we experience stress, our body activates the fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This is useful when facing immediate threats, but in our modern world, stress is often chronically driven by work, responsibilities, and everyday pressures. Over time, our nervous system remains in a state of high alert, making it difficult to switch off at bedtime.

We all do it. We get five minutes but instead of taking a breather, looking up and noticing where we are and the world around us, we pick up our phones and scroll or do some admin.

Even when we feel exhausted, our body may still be primed for action, making it hard to fall or stay asleep. This is why lying in bed worrying doesn’t help—our brain remains on high alert, scanning for danger, even when none exists.

How to break the cycle

The key to overcoming stress-related sleep issues is to retrain your body to process stress differently. Here’s how:

1. Notice your stress levels throughout the day Instead of only recognising stress at night when you can’t sleep, check in with your body throughout the day. Ask yourself:

Am I holding tension in my shoulders or jaw? Is my breathing shallow? Do I feel wired or on edge?

By catching stress early, you can take small steps to release it before bedtime. Make a pact with yourself, every time you boil the kettle, do it mindfully. Use all your senses, what can you smell, (e.g. the tea or coffee), what can you feel when you pick up the kettle, what can you hear when it boils and what do you see around you. This is a way of grounding yourself in the moment and reducing overall vigilance in your body.

2. Make time to process your worries We often try to ignore worries, instead pushing through the day without giving ourselves time to process emotions. But worries needs an outlet (and if you don’t provide one then 3am becomes the go-to time for your mind to start to worry!)

Try:

Writing things down – Every day set aside 15 minutes and write down everything, however small or silly. This a way of telling your mind- ‘I’m listening’ and can help you to clear your head before bed. It’s much easier to let thoughts go in the middle of the night if you acknowledge them during the day.

Making plans for what you can control – On your worry list, split it into ‘real’ issues (thing that have happened/are happening right now) and things that might happen. Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t.

3. Reframe your fears around sleep

Many people with stress-related insomnia develop anxiety about sleep itself. Thoughts like, “If I don’t sleep, I won’t cope tomorrow” or “I’ll be a bad parent if I’m tired” and these thoughts trigger your fight or flight, make falling asleep even harder.

Instead, try reframing your mindset:

Notice the thought – Ask yourself, is this true? Does being snappy make me a bad parent? What makes me a good parent? Is it true that I make mistakes when I’m tired at work? Are there times I’ve been tired and coped fine?

Feel the anxiety – It’s ok to worry about poor sleep – we don’t need to stop this, we just need to accept we are worried. If you feel concerned that you are going to be too tired at work tomorrow, then simply accept you feel that way. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, fighting it will cause more exhaustion.

4. Use movement to release stress - at your own pace

Exercise is a great stress reliever, but when you're exhausted, intense workouts can feel impossible. Instead of pushing yourself too hard, try:

A short walk instead of a long run A few stretches instead of a full workout Gentle movement like yoga or deep breathing

The goal is to release stress in a way that feels manageable for you.

Stress and sleep are linked, and the key is to break the cycle, not just by focusing on sleep, but rather their connection to each other.

By acknowledging stress, processing emotions, and reframing how you approach sleep, you can help your body feel safe enough to rest properly at night.

Read more on sleep:

• How to sleep with a racing mind
• 5 tips for a better night's sleep
• How to function after a poor night's sleep

Kathryn Pinkham is the Founder of The Insomnia Clinic. If you’re struggling to sleep, join Kathryn's webinar to learn how to fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night. Click here to get started.